people of the heart.

the past few weeks have been pretty eventful and in case i ever lose track of what has been going on or forget, some highlights have to be my first perfect game at chevrons on the 17th, 2 golds from SUniG '13, experiencing and learning many new skills as well (both in and outside the classroom). its strange to note how its already recess week, which translates to half the semester has passed. even then, i think its safe to say that im doing better now, relative to how things were exactly a year ago.

anyway there has been an influx of awesome news recently, and im glad to have been on both the receiving and sharing ends of it. to me, what makes everything accomplished worthwhile is having people to share the happiness and achievements with, as cliche as it. when you see and feel someone be happy for what you've done, and you know that you've made them proud, what an indescribable feeling that is. i never really expected myself to be inclined to such emotions but things change, and in this instance, i think it is for the better. yes, there are more people that you want to do them proud, which could also result in disappointment if expectations are not met, but i sincerely believe that its a blessing; to have those people in your heart to trust them with your success stories, your heartbreaks, your joy, your disappointments, your happiness, your anger, your life in general,especially when such a relationship is reciprocated. sometimes we take them for granted but never mistreat them because you never want to push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn. when that happens, you may have just lost the person for good.

“If I ever let you down, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I don’t love myself.” — William Chapman

we started at the end

i am done trying so freaking hard for you, when you wont even do them for me. and sometimes i wonder to myself, what do i mean to you? cause even after all this time i have no flipping idea and it'd be nice to finally know your worth to someone.

all heart.

the past week has been pretty eventful but i'll go into that at another time. i think we clarified a few things today, and im here to reiterate my point; please trust what i said because i meant them. you may not believe them for whatever reasons but i assure you, i have not been as honest about them as i have been to you today.

i've been doing a bit of thinking (not overthinking for that creates monsters/demons in your head) and i came to a conclusion that i do believe in the concept of best friends but its important to have it be reciprocated, maybe its because i've found someone that means that much to me. but how do you tell or ask that of someone when such a believe is a rarity nowadays? they've made you better, and the trust and faith you have in them is more than anyone else you've met, that you'd do anything and be everything for them just to see a smile on their face, and that you love them but not in the romantic kind of way. then again, i never really believed in that concept till recently, despite a few people telling me that i am one to them. its very flattering and im honoured but i think it should be a two way thing so i never really thought much about it, but avoid using the term loosely as well. afterall, i've never been good with words so i have to choose mine carefully.

"im not in love with you, but i love you"

platonic relationships are severely underrated, and romantic love overrated.

moving forwards

its been awhile since my last post, im not sure if anyone still comes here but if they do and have been expecting some sort of update, i do apologise. the past few months since the semester begun have been crazy but its the summer break now so hopefully i can post more stuff; and this is wayyy overdue but yes, no longer a freshman! i'll probably do some reviewing at a more private platform, and at a later time considering how i have a flight to catch in 9hours time? AUBC in manila for the next 10days. might have mentioned to a couple of people how im not exactly looking forward to being away for such a long duration but im not gonna repeat that here. suck it up and just gonna go through it. and before i blabber on, happy (belated) vesak day.

anyway i came to this sudden realization/enlightenment earlier in the day, which actually prompted this post. i've never been good at articulating myself, so im gonna try my best to pen it down because it hit me, hard. well basically, i was in a mess and i felt that i lost myself a bit. i suppose i delved into the past a little too often to find the person that got left behind, to get back what was lost. on hindsight, i have no idea how i even ended up where i am today but that's not the focus of this post. i held on to things of the past because they were known and comfortable; most importantly i liked (portions) of it.

"The future is scary, but you can't just run back into the past because its familiar. Yes, it's tempting..."

it took a book and someone to say it aloud for me to finally understand how anything to do with the past is completely and utterly irretrievable; by reading the words, the tone, the gaps, and the desperation.

life in motion

i've been watching a few really good shows, with good company as well. but amongst everything that i love about the shows (and even books), i find myself drawing parallels between the characters and myself. it may be a form of relating and understanding the characters but seems that i have more similarities with "the broken ones". i dont think they're broken, they are just in need of help, but does that mean that i am too? sometimes, im not really sure who i am anymore. the person everyone used to know and was proud of, its merely a shadow and a memory in my life. idk where she went but i know that things were a lot easier when she was around. i should find her, but i dont know where to start.